The following are beginning paragraphs written during 2008 to fiction pieces I never wrote (once you read them, you’ll see why).
1.
Marlin opened the drawer with Cara’s family pictures, unzipped his pants, and started to piss into it. Once he finished, he looked around for some paper to write her a note about how he was finally leaving her. Nothing was handy, so he just took open some of her lipstick and wrote on the wall, “I hope you die.” That’ll work, he thought, and headed for the door. On the way there, however, he stumbled over one of her bags. Even more irritated, he kicked it across the room, and that’s when the golden monkey fell out of the bag.
2.
The note was dated May 5, 2015. No one would ever forget the date when the magnetic poles shifted as did the rotation slightly. So much had to be reversed and rethought. Basic seasonal assumptions no longer applied. Cities that one day earlier seem great places to live now were on their way to becoming deserted.
3.
The note was dated May 5, 2015. He didn’t remember anything special about the date. In fact, he couldn’t even remember where he was living at the time. Old age seemed to have taken all of his dates and shoved them in the same box. Names were starting to go that way as well.
4.
The note was dated May 5, 2015. She left just after writing it, and he hadn’t seen her since, but he knew that someday he would. Someday she would need to make the separation official-—a new spouse on the way or something similar, and then, she would be back with papers expecting him to act quickly. Until then, he didn’t care.
5.
She didn’t mean to cut off one of his fingers, but since she had, she wanted him to have an odd number-—we must have odd numbers on each hand, she thought—-, so she cut off another one, but then she realized that eight is not a fortunate number, so she cut off one more to wish him a pleasant future without her.
6.
Wandering into the market, I picked up something that looked like a lychee and took a bite. I was starving, and it was so appealing. A man started screaming at me in Chinese, and I realized I was mistaken and that there was something oddly fleshy about it.
*** If you are wondering about May 5, 2015, you should be. It will be a significant date in history.
1.
Marlin opened the drawer with Cara’s family pictures, unzipped his pants, and started to piss into it. Once he finished, he looked around for some paper to write her a note about how he was finally leaving her. Nothing was handy, so he just took open some of her lipstick and wrote on the wall, “I hope you die.” That’ll work, he thought, and headed for the door. On the way there, however, he stumbled over one of her bags. Even more irritated, he kicked it across the room, and that’s when the golden monkey fell out of the bag.
2.
The note was dated May 5, 2015. No one would ever forget the date when the magnetic poles shifted as did the rotation slightly. So much had to be reversed and rethought. Basic seasonal assumptions no longer applied. Cities that one day earlier seem great places to live now were on their way to becoming deserted.
3.
The note was dated May 5, 2015. He didn’t remember anything special about the date. In fact, he couldn’t even remember where he was living at the time. Old age seemed to have taken all of his dates and shoved them in the same box. Names were starting to go that way as well.
4.
The note was dated May 5, 2015. She left just after writing it, and he hadn’t seen her since, but he knew that someday he would. Someday she would need to make the separation official-—a new spouse on the way or something similar, and then, she would be back with papers expecting him to act quickly. Until then, he didn’t care.
5.
She didn’t mean to cut off one of his fingers, but since she had, she wanted him to have an odd number-—we must have odd numbers on each hand, she thought—-, so she cut off another one, but then she realized that eight is not a fortunate number, so she cut off one more to wish him a pleasant future without her.
6.
Wandering into the market, I picked up something that looked like a lychee and took a bite. I was starving, and it was so appealing. A man started screaming at me in Chinese, and I realized I was mistaken and that there was something oddly fleshy about it.
*** If you are wondering about May 5, 2015, you should be. It will be a significant date in history.
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